The past is a painful place. It’s full of rejection, abandonment, betrayal, and all sorts of other transgressions. Because the past stays with us – and in some cases controls us – for the rest of our lives. In the present moment, you have the opportunity to choose how you want to see things moving forward. But it’s easier said than done when old wounds keep coming up at inopportune moments. Past trauma can haunt us in future relationships if we let it. Here are some common ways our past trauma can sabotage future relationships:
We’re hyper-vigilant in our relationships.
Being hyper-vigilant is a common fallout from trauma. We’re on high alert for anything that might trigger a negative reaction. It’s a self-defence mechanism that becomes a problem when we’re always on the lookout for danger, even in places where it doesn’t exist. When we’re hyper-vigilant in our relationships, we’re constantly scanning for signs that our partner might hurt us. We’re looking for things that our partner might do that will upset us. We’re also more likely to be quick to jump to conclusions and assume the worst about our partner. Not only does this bring us down emotionally, but it also makes us ineffective partners.
We constantly find fault in others.
After we’ve experienced trauma, we’re on the lookout for people who repeat the transgression that hurt us. If a person does something that reminds us of the person who hurt us, we’re quick to react in an extremely negative way. This is when we find fault in others. We might judge our partners for something that has nothing to do with them. We might blame our partner for something that isn’t their fault. We might play into our insecurities and give our partner the short end of the stick. We might even project our past trauma onto our partner and see them as the person who hurt us.
We have a hard time being vulnerable and trusting.
If our past trauma involved someone betraying or abusing us, we might have a hard time being vulnerable and trusting in our relationships. We might be quick to guard our hearts and be extra careful with who we let in. Or we might be overly cautious and shut down completely. We might shut down in relationships because our past trauma programmed us to be wary of others. Or we might shut down because we’re too ashamed to let others in and we’re self-conscious of our inability to let go. We might also be extra harsh on ourselves when we make mistakes. Or we might jump to conclusions and assume that our partner’s intentions are bad when they’re not.
We see only the bad, not the good.
We tend to focus on what went wrong in the past and what might go wrong in the future. We might see only the bad in the past, present, and future. Or we might focus exclusively on what we’re not getting from our partner. We may see only the bad in our partners and ignore their good qualities. We might only see what our partner does wrong and overlook their efforts to make us happy. Or we might only see what our partner doesn’t do for us. We might also only see what our partners could do better instead of seeing where they excel. We might also focus on only one negative aspect of our partner while ignoring their other wonderful traits.
Change isn’t possible for us.
If our past trauma involved someone who was absolutely incapable of change, we might have a challenging time believing that our partner can change for the better. We might have a tough time believing that our partner could change for the better if we suffered from a long-term relationship that didn’t improve. We might have a difficult time seeing signs that our partner wants to change if we’ve only been in the relationship for a brief period of time. We might also have a hard time believing that our partner can change if we’re hyper-vigilant in our relationship. We may not believe our partner can change if we constantly find fault in others and seeing the bad and not the good.
Final Thoughts
If we’ve suffered from trauma in the past, we might be sabotaging our relationships in the present. The past can be a painful place. It’s full of rejection, abandonment, betrayal, and other transgressions. Because the past stays with us – and in some cases controls us – for the rest of our lives. In the present moment, you have the opportunity to choose how you want to see things moving forward. However, it’s easier said than done when old wounds keep coming up at inopportune moments. Past trauma can haunt us in future relationships if we let it.
Here are some common ways our past trauma can sabotage future relationships: being hyper-vigilant, constantly finding fault in others, having a tough time being vulnerable and trusting, seeing only the bad, not the good, change isn’t possible for us, and being quick to judge and blame others.
Now with the brain detox system, we can clear and neutralize the past, so our new relationship can be filled with love and abundance. Are you ready for the shift?
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